I HAD NO CLUE.
Coffee Brewed: 60gr Colombian and 20gr of DR Congo (Because it was still dark out and I didn't want to run to the roastery. Also it is fun to blend the beans! ;) )
Rodrigo Hoyos - Finca Balceros - San Agustín - Huila - Pink Bourbon
|Region||San Agustin, Huila|
Sugary, sweet and tart with toffee, chocolate and lemon flavours.
SOPACDI - Mpumbi Micro-Station - Fully Washed - FLO ID 26275
|Region||Mpumbi Village, Kalehe Territory, South-Kivu Province|
|Farm||60 smallholder members of SOPACDI delivering to the Birambo MicroStation|
|Variety||Blue Mountain, Bourbon, Caturra, Catuai, Kabare 2|
|Proc. Method||Fully Washed|
Sweet and soft with tangy acidity and a heavy mouthfeel; savory, chamomile and sugarcane juice flavours.
Brew Method: I love the pour over method because it produces a clean cup that enables me to pick out some of the notes in the coffee.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
(cue intense white noise and far away tunnel voice.)
I’m sorry. What did you say?
Psychotherapist with mad skills: “I am not diagnosing you. However, many of the symptoms https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-in-women/ you describe around your work and personal development are common with Women living with ADHD and these are some resources you might find helpful.”
Our eldest kid has ADHD.
I thought we fried his wee brain on Baby Einstein videos.
We drank that kool-aid hard.
Then Reacher hit the hormone zone. Right. PUBERTY and ADHD.
We should probably circle back here and check in with him. So I googlize to find some short animated videos to share with our new 12yr old and we watched together.
Two things we learned from watching these videos:
- Reacher told his Gigi that he learned that ADHD is REAL. (Gah!)
- We both learned that research suggests ADHD is HEREDITARY. (!!!)
Dive into GUILT and RESEARCH.
I read several articles. Meh. Nothing resonated with me.
Then I read an article about being in a relationship with an adult with ADHD.
Sietse has ADHD.
This explains soooo much.
I feel seen.
SOLUTIONS here we come!!!
Sietse was SUPER PUMPED to have me sending him ARTICLES and BOOKS and MEDICATIONS to consider.
Not at all. ;)
All the potential SOLUTIONS were just an appointment away.
To his credit, HE DID THE WORK and made an appointment.
To my surprise, Sietse was not assessed as having ADHD.
Man, he must be TOTALLY DISCONNECTED and LACKING some serious SELF-AWARENESS to have buggered the assessment.
ALL GOOD. We are playing the LONG GAME here.
NO PROBLEM. We are on a PATH TO UNCOVER, to learn and to find solutions.
We are TEAM AWESOME.
SIETSE SERIOUSLY ROCKS.
Sietse has the PATIENCE of a fucking Saint.
And he LOVES the hell out of ME and our stellar FAMJAM.
AND SO WE BUMPED ALONG navigating the JUGHEAD-SIZED SHIT SANDWICH that we’ve been SERVED along with so many other humans and families over the last two years.
“IT’S BEEN A LOT” is the catchphrase I hear most at markets to sum up life around Covid.
Then this stone was turned over.
At first, I felt RELIEF.
I’M NOT STUPID OR BROKEN OR NOT ENOUGH.
ALL THIS TIME.
I WAS PISSED OFF.
I have been BATTLING MYSELF for 49 years, PULLING MYSELF through the SLUDGE of SELF-DOUBT, of FEAR and DREAD everyday. Each morning I woke to PANIC, to the CEASELESS MIND-CHATTER of being behind even though my feet had not hit the fucking floor.
Because the ORGANIZATION, the PLANNING and TIME-MANAGEMENT required to parent, to run a household, to run a small business, TO LIVE are LANGUAGES I DO NOT UNDERSTAND EASILY.
It is almost a physical discomfort to execute on my own.
So I made an APPOINTMENT.
I was ASSESSED.
I was DIAGNOSED.
And now I am MEDICATED.
I HAD NO IDEA.
I had no idea I could feel differently.
I cried my fucking eyes out for the years of torture and abuse I put myself through because I could not figure shit out like everyone else.
NOT ANY MORE.
The SILVER LINING is that I’ve been voraciously READING COACHING BOOKS for years looking for the key to HELP MYSELF find ways to WORK BETTER. The WORK was learning through suffering, through the lenses of fear and lack, and nothing stuck.
NOT ANY MORE BABY.
Now I have the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL SPACE to invest in the personal and professional development work I am stoked to PLAN AND EXECUTE.
I have ADHD.
I ASK for HELP.
I have MAD SKILLS.